Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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