all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
