Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I can text with my tongue
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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