you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
