my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
