JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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