she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
