I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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