i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
