You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
