You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
don't judge my taste in strippers
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
