His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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