I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
