I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
