Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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