What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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