i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
