she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
3 2 1 whiskey
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize