mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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