Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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