your thong is hanging out like whoa
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
