remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
