Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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