Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
