i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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