I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
