i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
