The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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