i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
