Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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