Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
