The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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