im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I wish there were birth control emojis
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
