I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
