You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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