i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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