Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
