why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
