i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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