i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
