you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
