he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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