Swine flu. Run for my life!
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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