she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize