So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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