Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
