I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
