she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize