sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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