I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Im part way to drunk.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
