; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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