ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
