i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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