So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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