I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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