I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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