What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
