what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
