sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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