Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
