I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
