i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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