proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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