awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The Olympian is in my bed
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
