cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
