i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
