He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Acid is not a monday night drug
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
