She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
