DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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