Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
