I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
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