why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
