I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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