Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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