I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
