he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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