Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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