My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
