I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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