I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
