Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She even gives head with a lisp.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
