stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
