he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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