yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
