Four minutes until I can fart!
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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