ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
