I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
