mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
