i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The Olympian is in my bed
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize