i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
