I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
