Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize