I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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