Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
