ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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