She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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